I honestly haven't read a book that made me laugh this much in a while. Laugh, in the bad way. I am seriously mad at Goodreads for not allowing me to share my notes with you (I don't live in any of the supported countries, unfortunately). I had SUCH a blast - Anna and literally ALL of her so-called "friends" are so infuriatingly dumb and embarassing to read about it hurts. This whole book hurts.
Since I have 123 (!) notes (I don't even have so many in my favourite books, I'm kind of ashamed), I thought I'd share some of them in this review.
In case you didn't know, Anna and the French Kiss (even the title is somewhat terrible) is a book about, you guessed it right, Anna. She HAS to move to Paris for her senior year, because her parents decided it'd be beneficial for her or something like that. Poor girl, right? Except she DOES feel like she's been wronged, because there's this boy, Toph (which reminded me of tofu and I couldn't un-think it, ugh), whom she KISSED before flying abroad. And... well, I'm starting to describe the plot. In short, Anna moves to Paris for the year and she really hates it there at first, not coming outta her room and all. BUT she meets Étienne St.Clair, this hot-and-sexy guy who is English and French and American, I never really understood which one was it at the end cause he kept changing it. And she falls in love. Despite the fact that he has a girlfriend of two years. But that didn't really stop them, so it's alright. (I wrote a few sentences after this, but they were pretty horrible and extremely sardonic, so I deleted them. Let's just say the romance was as amusing as Anna herself.)
Let's jump into the notes, shall we? (Oh God, another thing: Étienne has a cute British accent. And he says "arsehole and "shite" and "git", never uses "should", always "ought to". Hardin Scott, anybody? Okay, that IS unfair. No one can beat Hardin Scott.)
1 so, I didn't annotate for a few (four to be exact) chapters, but then I could not stop myslef, and I'm glad. I'd definitely have DNFed this if not for the notes. Speaking of, Toph hasn't emailed me in two days. It's not like I expected him to write every day, or even every week, but... there was and undeniable something between us. I mean, we kissed. Will this thing - whatever it is - end now that I'm here? NOTE:God. I am going to be sick *chipmunk voice* two days, he hasn't emailed for TWO DAYS
2 Comparing him [Étienne] to Toph isn't even possible. NOTE: Isn't it?
3 I read her email again, hoping for the words Top says he's madly in love with you, and he'll wait for you all eternity to appear. No such luck NOTE: Remind me, why am I reading this again?
3 "Oh, it's okay," I say quickly, letting go of the figurine. "You can touch anything of mine you want." NOTE: so, yeah, that just happened. *a very loud forehead slap*
4 "Oh. Uh... no. Not really. I mean, Toph was my almost-boyfriend. I moved away before..." I trail off, uncomfortable. "Before much could happen." NOTE: Okay. So. You have literally spent 20% of your time whining and thinking about Toph... And you say NOT REALLY?! ALMOST BOYFRIEND?! Cause from what I deciphered, I though he was the love of your life, ANNA.
5 “Tout pourvoir. It’s French.” Excellent. The Oliphant clan motto, drilled into my head since infancy, turns out to be in FRENCH, and I didn’t even know it. Thanks, Granddad. As if I didn’t already look like a moron. But how was I supposed to know a Scottish motto would be in French? I thought they hated France. Or is that just the English? Argh, I don’t know. I always assumed it was in Latin or some other dead language. NOTE: WOW.
6 [talking about her younger brother]“Well, he was either an accident or a last-ditch effort to save a failing marriage. I’ve never had the nerve to ask which.” Wow. I can’t believe I just blurted that out. NOTE: Wow. I can't believe either.
7 St. Clair rolls his eyes. “You ought to stop listening to stereotypes and start forming your own opinions.” NOTE: OH MY GOD SOMEONE FINALLY SAID ONE REASONABLE SENTENCE
8 He sighs melodramatically. “Honestly, Anna. You must get over this.” NOTE: Agreed.
9 It takes a moment for me to recognize the symptoms, but my heels are bouncing and my stomach is fluttering. I’m finally excited to be out! NOTE: Our dear Anna has to "recognize the symptoms" to know that she is excited. And I thought it couldn't get better.
10 "I love me mum." NOTE: Is this like a slang or something?
11 Hmph. Obviously Londoners or Parisians or whatever he is aren’t used to the glory of car ownership. I miss mine, even if it does have trouble starting. And no air-conditioning. And a busted speaker. NOTE: Someone explain to me how a girl with a car like this and clothes from Target [she happened to mention that a few chapters backward] can afford to live in freaking Paris for a year. Please.
12 He [Étienne] leads me into the courtyard, and I take the opportunity to admire his backside. Callipygian. There is something better than Notre-Dame. NOTE: [meaning of the word callipygian: having well-shaped buttocks] I have no words, dear sir.
13 I want to feel Toph’s lips again. I want him to wait. But there’s another part of me, a part I really, really hate, that knows even if we do make it, I’d stil move away for college next year. So I’d see him this Christmas and next summer, and then . . . would that be it? And then there’s the other thing [Étienne]. The thing I’m trying to ignore. The thing I shouldn’t want, the thing I can’t have. And he’s standing in front of me right now. NOTE: No words again, just wanted to have this highlighted in case I started to like this book, or our sweet MC, for that matter.
14 [...] euros are easy to understand[...] NOTE: WHAT?! and pounds are not?! I just-
5
“Did you just have a foodgasm?”
NOTE: I DID NOT JUST HEAR THAT.
As I said, I have a lot of 'em. But I'm pretty sure these tell you enough about this book not to ever want to hear its name again.
Overally, this is one of the worst books I have ever read. There was no writing style whatsoever, I hated the MC (who was stereotypical, spoiled and whiny, without much personality), the side characters' personalities were either "the bad girl", "Indian" or English" - you get it. This whole story was onebig fat ridiculous cliché. Also, it was glamourising cheating the worst way possible - our Golden Boy Étienne had a girlfriend for 96% [I checked] of the book, that, needless to say, was not Anna. Also, Anna's surname is Oliphant, and her nickname is Elephant. SOOO original. Also, the word SOOO was highly overused. It just... I know I said that I haid a blast, but honestly - I couldn't wait for the end. You know what my last note is? This is right after Étienne promises Anna that he will, quote unquote, never leave her. I wasn't sure if this the last chapter, or if it has an epilogue or something, so I wrote this:
Because I was right. For the two of us, home isn’t a place. It’s a person. And we’re finally home. NOTE: PLEASE LET THIS BE THE END OH PLEASE
And one last thing - the thing that got to me the most was that Anna called Étienne her "best friend" throughout the book, when they clearly had feelings for each other, but he refused to break up with his girlfriend. I am a TOTAL SUCKER for the best friends to lovers trope. And it pissed me off to see that Stephanie Perkins had the nerve to use it this way. Anna never felt as if Étienne was only a friend. To quote from chapter 31:
He is no longer St. Clair, everyone’s pal, everyone’s friend. He is Étienne. Étienne, like the night we met. He is Étienne; he is my friend. He is so much more.
Then she proceeds by describing him as beautiful and perfect. She freaking counted, how many evenings he hung out with her and how many with his actual GF. That's sick, not romantic. She imagined how sh'd claw Ellie's eyes out. She kissed him, when he was still taken. She described his smell once, as freshly scrubbed boy. Okay, that's honestly not the point. The point is, I hated this book, I do not recommend it and I hope, for the sake of my mental health, that I never read anything like it again.
The End.
[I am sorry if this messy, I just needed to get my frustration out.]
